If you’re someone who thrives on setting and achieving goals, you might find yourself with an impressive list of accomplishments, questioning why you still lack the satisfaction you anticipated.
Hello there! I used to belong to the “I’ll be happy once X is achieved” group!
In this article, we’re delving into how to abandon the habit of postponing your happiness until you achieve the next milestone, allowing you to embrace and enjoy your life in the present instead of deferring it to a later time.
Does that sound good?
In recent years, striving for achievements has faced criticism in the realm of personal development.
As we critically analyze the influences of societal norms and how they shape our everyday actions, the concepts of working hard, doing, and hustling have often been viewed negatively.
Our society frequently adopts an all-or-nothing mindset. While there is a heightened emphasis on slowing down, living mindfully, and simply being rather than constantly doing, it often leads to the perception that striving for success is not acceptable.
However, this is not entirely accurate.
The goal isn’t to abandon your aspirations, stop setting future goals, or resign yourself to a sedentary lifestyle. After all, heaven forbid you invest effort into something!
It’s about separating your achievements from your identity and self-worth. For many of us, success has shifted from being about what we do to defining who we are.
Your achievements should not define you.
What they are meant to do is inspire you to pursue healthy goals that resonate with you, allowing you to enjoy your time, with reaching them being a delightful bonus.
If your goals are wearing you out and making you question what it takes to achieve them, it’s time to reevaluate your connection to achievement.
Here are some points to ponder:
1. Why do you want what you want?
Let me give you a hint: our actions, or lack thereof, stem from emotions.
For instance, if you aim to reach 10,000 followers on Instagram, accumulate $100,000 in savings, or leave your day job, your motivation isn’t solely about securing those outcomes; it’s fundamentally about how you believe achieving them will make you feel.
So, a more pertinent question is: how do you wish to feel?
Another aspect to consider: what emotions are you experiencing now that you wish to change?
If you desire the security of having $100,000 saved, you likely feel the opposite right now—maybe looking at your finances makes you feel insecure, unsupported, or unsettled.
A great starting point is to identify your current feelings, determine what the next accomplishment will help you feel instead, and figure out what barriers exist that prevent you from feeling that way currently.
Honesty is key here: are these goals for you, or do you seek to influence how others perceive you?
Many harbor an unconscious belief that achievements lead to respect, affection, acknowledgment, and a sense of belonging (and that we are somehow inadequate as we are).
We become driven to achieve so that we can be viewed in a favorable light by others.
Our egos thrive on this because they believe we are creating a shield against rejection and disappointment—though, in reality, this isn’t the case.
Reflect on your aspirations and what you hope to accomplish. Imagine you are guaranteed to obtain what you desire, but there’s a twist: you could never share it with anyone else—not a single soul.
Would you still desire it? Would it hold any significance if it were all effort and no recognition?
2. Your circumstances won’t dictate your feelings
Is it simpler to feel joy when you’re living in your dream home, partnered with a loving companion, financially secure, and feeling your best?
Do those circumstances naturally foster more positive feelings than residing in a tiny apartment with an incompatible roommate, having another unsuccessful date this month, facing an empty bank account, and dealing with unwanted hair?
Perhaps.
However, it’s also true that your brain holds persistent beliefs about the world.
If your internal belief is “the next [goal achieved] will FINALLY allow me to feel [the emotion I desire],” that belief travels with you wherever you go.
If you swap your circumstances without altering your beliefs, your feelings will remain unchanged.
They may shift temporarily, but once the thrill of achieving your goal fades, you’ll find yourself thinking, “what’s next?”
This explains why individuals who chased wealth and fame often achieve them yet still find themselves feeling isolated.
It also clarifies why some women shed significant pounds and attain their ideal figure but fail to feel adequate.
The only path to experiencing the emotions you seek in the future is to cultivate them now (I wish I could say otherwise, but that’s not how it works!).
What’s ONE step you can take today to evoke your desired emotion? If you aim to feel financial security, what’s one small action you could complete today to move in that direction?
Could it be transferring $5 to your savings? Opening a high-yield savings account? Or perhaps keeping $100 in cash in your wallet?
It may not even relate to finances; maybe you wish to feel secure by curling up on your couch with your favorite blanket, watching your go-to show for the umpteenth time.
The essence of feeling secure remains constant, no matter how you achieve it, so indulge in whatever brings you that comfort!
And while I risk you wanting to reach through the screen to box my ears, my sincere advice is…
3. Embrace the journey
I realize this is a well-worn adage, but there’s truth in cliches.
(Warning: brace yourself for some tough love.)
If you keep postponing joy until you achieve the next thing, you may end up spending 95% of your life dissatisfied with your current situation and just 5% relishing the fleeting high of success.
Before you know it, you might wake up one day realizing you’ve spent your life in a state of waiting, rather than genuinely living.
That’s a sobering thought, isn’t it?
I spent 25 years viewing life this way. I’m grateful I’ve shifted my mindset, though I often regret allowing my ego to dictate my choices for so long.
Today is all we actually own. So step out and engage in activities that make you feel vibrant and alive.
You don’t have to cease dreaming, and you don’t have to stop reaching for your goals. However, it’s essential to ensure that achievement isn’t the entirety of your existence.
Make the journey enjoyable just as much as the destination so that when you achieve your goals, it feels like a delightful cherry on top. Because it’s essential to know that you truly lived, learned, and experienced much joy along your path. Ultimately, that’s what it’s all about!
This doesn’t imply the journey will always be straightforward—embracing toxic positivity isn’t the aim.
Instead, it emphasizes being present and committing to making the process as fulfilling (and hopefully even better!) than the outcomes.