True happiness, on a normal day, involves releasing expectations of how life should unfold and genuinely valuing it as it is.
Throughout the past fifteen years, as Angel and I have engaged with countless students from our courses, coaching clients, and participants in our live events, we’ve recognized that the primary source of human stress often stems from our unwavering tendency to cling to things. Essentially, we tightly grasp onto the belief that our lives should (more…)
True happiness, on a normal day, involves releasing expectations of how life should unfold and genuinely valuing it as it is.
Throughout the past fifteen years, as Angel and I have engaged with countless students from our courses, coaching clients, and participants in our live events, we’ve recognized that the primary source of human stress often stems from our unwavering tendency to cling to things. Essentially, we tightly grasp onto the belief that our lives should match our expectations, complicating our experiences when they fall short.
For instance, our minds tend to latch onto unrealistic ideals at times…
- This isn’t how life should be; I need it to change.
- There’s one specific thing I desire; I can’t find joy without it.
- I am undeniably correct, and the other person is completely mistaken.
- This person should love me and want to be with me.
- I shouldn’t be alone, I shouldn’t be overweight, I shouldn’t be just as I am now, etc.
In these familiar scenarios, the mind clings tightly to an ideal that ultimately doesn’t exist. Over time, this leads to unnecessary stress, anxiety, dissatisfaction, self-righteousness, self-loathing, and feelings of depression.
So how can we begin to loosen our grip?
By recognizing that there’s hardly anything to cling to in the first place.
The majority of what we try so desperately to hold onto—believing it’s tangible, certain, and unchanging—is often illusory. And if some aspects are present, they’re constantly evolving, intangible, and partially shaped by our perceptions. Life becomes much easier to navigate when we remind ourselves of this and act accordingly.
Today, let’s embark on this journey…
1. Allow everything to breathe.
As you read these words, notice your breath. Take a moment to acknowledge it. You can manipulate this breath, speeding it up or slowing it down, or you can simply let it flow naturally. There is tranquility in allowing your lungs to breathe freely, without feeling the need to control anything. Now, envision letting other parts of your body, such as your tense shoulders, relax without the urge to manage them.
Now observe your surroundings and select an object to let breathe. There may be others in the room with you—or nearby—imagine them in your mind and allow them to breathe as well.
When you grant everything and everyone the freedom to breathe, you permit them to exist just as they are. There’s no need to manage, worry, or transform them. You simply allow them to be, embracing them in their current state. This concept of letting go can be transformative.
2. Embrace your current reality and just float.
Picture yourself blindfolded, treading water in the middle of a vast pool, desperately trying to reach a nearby edge that’s actually far away. This futile effort to secure yourself to something non-existent only heightens your stress and exhausts you as you flail around.
Now envision taking a moment to breathe deeply, realizing there’s nothing nearby to grasp—only water enveloping you. You can keep struggling to find an imaginary edge or accept the reality of your surroundings, relax, and float.
In truth, inner peace begins when you decide to take a new breath, refusing to let uncontrollable circumstances dictate your present. You are not merely the outcomes of your past; you are the choices you make at this very moment. Let go, breathe, and start anew. (Note: Angel and I expand on this in the Adversity chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.”)
3. Challenge the narratives you keep creating.
Many significant misunderstandings could be alleviated by taking a moment to ask, “What alternative interpretations exist?” A powerful technique we adapted from researcher Brene Brown, through our coaching, is what we refer to as The story I’m telling myself. Although simply posing the question “What else could this signify?” can help reframe your thoughts and widen your understanding, prefixing troubling thoughts with The story I’m telling myself has led to many enlightening realizations for our clients.
Here’s how it works: apply The story I’m telling myself to any challenging situation where intrusive thoughts might be overwhelming you. For instance, if someone you care about (spouse, partner, friend) fails to contact you as promised, leaving you feeling unimportant, take a moment to reflect. Use the phrase: The story I’m telling myself is that their silence means I’m not a priority for them.
Then, consider these questions:
- Can I be entirely sure this narrative is accurate?
- How do I feel and respond when I entertain this narrative?
- What’s an alternative outcome that could also hold true?
Allow yourself the time to ponder these thoughtfully.
Challenge yourself daily to think more positively—re-examine the stories you subconsciously narrate and consider a more objective perspective. (Note: “The Good Morning Journal” is an excellent resource for daily reflections and shifts in perspective.)
4. Set down your metaphorical glass.
Two decades ago, during our college years, our psychology professor imparted a lesson that has stayed with us. On the last day of class, she stood before us to share one final insight on perspective and mindset. Raising a glass of water over her head, we anticipated the usual “glass half empty or half full” discussion. Instead, she asked with a grin, “How heavy is this glass of water?”
Students offered answers ranging from a few ounces to several pounds.
After acknowledging various responses, she explained, “The actual weight of this glass is inconsequential. It all hinges on how long I hold it. For a minute or two, it’s light. Hold it for an hour, and my arm might start to ache. Hold it all day, and my arm will likely cramp, rendering me incapable of anything until I set it down. The weight itself doesn’t change, but my endurance does.”
As we reflected on this, she continued, “Your worries, fears, disappointments, and troubling thoughts function similarly. Think about them momentarily, and their impact is minimal. Dwell on them longer, and you’ll begin to feel discomfort. Obsess over them throughout the day, and you risk feeling incapacitated, unable to move forward until you release them.”
Consider how this analogy resonates with your life today.
If you’re struggling under the weight of your thoughts right now, it’s a clear signal that it’s time to lower your metaphorical glass.
Release to restore belief in yourself.
A significant aspect of the letting go process is re-establishing trust in yourself. This “renewed trust” involves embracing uncertainty, navigating each day intuitively, and allowing your instincts to guide you like a beacon in the dark. It’s about standing firmly on your own two feet, free from the crutches you’ve relied on, and taking gradual steps forward.
You possess the strength to take these steps!
You’re capable!
What if, for today, you decide to believe that you are enough just as you are? What if, for today, you choose to trust that you have the strength to proceed one step at a time? What if you select to accept others as they are and life for what it is? As the day comes to a close, what if you reflect on your progress and let go? And tomorrow, what if you chose to repeat this process?
Commit to making those choices…
Commit to letting go and rejuvenating the faith you once had in yourself and the world around you.
Now it’s your turn!
Before you leave, please drop a comment for Angel and me below—we’d love to hear your thoughts on this piece. Your input means a lot to us. 🙂
How has holding on too tightly influenced your life?
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