|
|
| Most people need love and acceptance a lot more than they need advice. – Bob Goff/Image Credit: tiemaoanh |
Have you noticed how some individuals seem to relish the act of giving advice as if they’re on a quest to enhance your existence? Perhaps you’re one of them. Yes, you, always ready with your valuable insights and conscientious recommendations. Those who dispense advice often appear genuinely kind, don’t they? It’s as if their sole aim is to help you overcome obstacles or elevate your life. But what if there’s more beneath the surface?
Dr. Art Markman highlights intriguing research in Psychology Today. In studies led by researcher Michael Schaerer, an unexpected motive for the love of advising emerges: it provides a sense of power. Not in a tyrannical way, but rather a more subtle empowerment that strokes the ego.
Why Giving Advice Makes You Feel Empowered
Schaerer’s experiments operated like this: in one instance, participants were asked to recall a moment they offered advice or merely engage in an ordinary chat. The level of power they felt was then assessed. No surprise here: those who remembered giving advice reported feeling significantly more empowered.
Two additional studies explored the connection further: Are individuals with a desire for power more inclined to give advice? The answer is yes. The stronger the desire for a self-esteem boost, the more likely they were to become a fountain of advice.
The final experiment was particularly striking: participants were informed if their advice was taken or dismissed. While giving advice did instill a sense of power, this feeling was only prevalent if they believed their input was valued. If ignored? Their confidence plummeted.
Dr. Markman concisely stated: dispensing advice, even with the noblest intentions, transcends merely assisting others. It taps into the gratifying thrill of wielding influence and authority.
How This Translates to Everyday Life
Let’s consider the alternate perspective. Imagine you’re the one offering advice. While Schaerer’s research suggests that imparting your knowledge can genuinely enhance your self-esteem, think of the rewarding feeling from mentoring another person and guiding their journey. Your input can enlighten, motivate, and foster connections. Sounds wonderful, right?
Yet, here lies an uncomfortable truth: if you find yourself in the constant role of advisor, you might inadvertently make others feel inadequate. They might appreciate your perspectives, but such an imbalance could chip away at their self-assurance, which is detrimental to any relationship.
Providing Advice Without Making Others Feel Diminished
Balance Your Guidance with Affirmation
Should you feel compelled to share your insights, ensure they uplift the individual simultaneously. Acknowledge their potential or spotlight their strengths that could make your advice feasible. This way, you can still feel significant while ensuring your audience walks away feeling empowered rather than belittled. Who knows? They might even rave about your excellent advice, opening more avenues for you to share your wisdom.
Seek Permission
“Would you mind if I offer a suggestion?” That simple phrase suffices. Sure, there’s a possibility they might decline, which might slightly sting your pride. However, granting them the choice cultivates respect and likely increases the chances that they’ll heed your advice. People cherish their autonomy; why not grant it?
Set Aside Your Ego
The allure of power can be tempting, yet it’s impossible to be the expert on everything. Have the courage to allow others to shine and take the lead. Listen attentively, have faith, and learn from those surrounding you. Individuals are more inclined to respect your opinions if you come across as humble and open rather than overbearing.
If You’re the One on the Receiving End of Advice
Rather than rolling your eyes when someone tries to “help” you, consider that they may be grappling with feelings of helplessness in other areas of their life. Recognizing this might alleviate your frustration. At times, the most meaningful gesture you can extend to someone who loves to dispense advice is a touch of acknowledgment: celebrate their accomplishments, allow them to take charge occasionally, or simply validate their perspective. The more empowered they feel, the less likely they are to act as your personal life coach.
Whether you find yourself sharing wisdom or sidestepping it, it’s beneficial to remain aware of this power dynamic. A blend of balance, humility, and a dash of kindness can foster mutual respect and confidence for everyone involved—without the need to dispense overwhelming advice.